Hearts Are Dancing

I haven't been able to bring myself to return to my blog for awhile. Our 2nd IUI resulted with a BFN. Neither my wife nor I really expected it to be positive, but it is incredibly difficult to live with the disappointment of a failed IUI. In my head, there just seem to be so many factors working against us. For one, I am 37, and for another I am overweight.  The doctors said early on, everything looked ok to move forward and did not even put me in the high risk category, but I just couldn't shake that feeling. 

Then, there is the naturally optimistic part of me that chimes in and believes if it wasn't meant to be, I wouldn't have such a strong desire to be a mother.

We began our 3rd round knowing it may very well be our last round due to the cost of our RE at Mayo Clinic, frozen swimmers, medication, etc...I mean, we are teachers after all!

In the past, we had gone in for our ultrasound (follicles measuring around 22-28), were told to take Ovidrel that evening, and return 36 hours later for insemination.  However, this time, my follicles were not measuring as large. In fact, I had 3 smaller follicles measuring in at 17, so they wanted to wait a few days allowing them to grow. We waited a day and a half, took the Ovidrel, and returned 36 hours later for our 3rd and possibly our last IUI.

This time, we decided to try a few things differently. We both wore our newly purchased Pearl Jam t-shirts from the Wrigley Field Concert in Chicago (how could that not be lucky??), elevated my legs and relaxed the majority of our insemination day, and prayed, prayed prayed. Did I mention it was also our niece's 9th birthday? *grin* I have always been a fairly "superstitious" person looking for signs, making wishes, believing there is a greater force at work in the world. In the first 12 days after IUI, I thought so many positive thoughts I was scared to even take an hpt because it would be devastating.

Let me state clearly, the 2ww is one of the most impossible time periods to get through. Every little flicker your body has, any time your don't feel 100%, you worry/wonder, "Is that a good thing? Uh-oh, why does my stomach feel funny?" It's incredibly torturous as the minutes, hours, days seem to pass at a glacier pace.

At 11 days past IUI, we started to question if we should try a test.
What a difficult decision!
On one hand, you could get the great news you've been trying, hoping, and praying for, but on the other hand, it can all come crashing to an end. I think this time was even more difficult to make the decision to test because knew our times of ttc were limited. One thing we knew for sure, this negative would be the hardest to take yet. When neither of us could think of anything BUT taking an hpt, we decided to try it knowing full well that it was early and likely going to flash on the digital hpt "not pregnant."

So, out of the pool and into the bathroom we went...within 1 minute the results were displayed.
Clear as day...pregnant.
A BFP?!? A Big Fat POSITIVE!!
My wife and I screamed in disbelief sending the cat bolting out of the room.  Immediately we had to remind ourselves that it could be a false positive due to the Ovidrel, and let's not forget our dreadful 1st experience with a hpt! I did a little research, learned that it was likely for the Ovidrel to be out of my system after 10 days and we cautiously celebrated!!

We took one more test last night and another this morning--still positive! Here's hoping this is the real deal. Here's hoping this pregnancy sticks. Here's hoping there isn't more than 2 babies in there. And here's hoping our dreams are on their way to becoming real.